alright ladies…..here’s part II.
4. Be choosy but know your vision
A woman who knows her beauty and worth can and should be choosy with who she gives her heart to. she waits and asks a lot of questions and can be picky about who deserves her. of course men don’t want women to play games, so this is where it’s important for women to know your vision. know what you really want in life and what you would like in a team mate. don’t settle for someone who doesn’t want kids – just because he’s willing to “commit” – when ultimately having kids is your life goal. don’t compromise for that “perfect guy” who does recreational drugs on the weekends, just because he loves your curves. don’t be ashamed of what you want to accomplish in life. if your dream for as long as you can remember is to be a blushing bride and have 5 kids, don’t compromise for a loser who could care less if you even have a real wedding. hold out for the ideal husband/father. or if your dream is to travel the planet, help and serve people in need and run a non-profit that sends health supplies to Djbouti, then make sure you don’t settle for a gamer home-body. be choosy about a partner that can join with you and be a great team mate. someone with similar convictions and priorities. someone who respects and honors your dreams, as much or more than you do his. i cannot emphasize enough how important this is.
Interdependence – mutually relying on each other. this is based on trust and trust is based on experiences and time. try and make a point to be a giver not a taker. find a healthy balance with your man without being naggy or bitchy. interdependence is based on a beautiful balance of giving and taking. when one is weak, the other is strong. they probably wouldn’t admit it, but men really do love to be taken care of and nurtured. which makes perfect sense because nurturing is a second-nature gift most women have. we really love taking care of just about anything: babies, our friends, men, kittens, baby squirrels, washed up starfish, whatever. my dear girlfriends, just be careful not to be too clingy or overly needy – i hear this is a BIG bummer. no one wants a leech. men love and require their space and freedom. as soon as a man feels like his woman has become a tick, he’s ready to run like the wind. it’s not a man’s job to supply all your needs. it’ll never fully satisfy you – ever.
and while we’re speaking on balance, i read this while surfing the webs “men admire a woman who can successfully balance work, kids, their relationships, being a good lover and keeping up with their home.” -shew- sounds like a frickin’ super woman to me (i bet she has perfect breast too). i don’t really know any woman that can do this successfully. but i guess we can try, right? yeah?
5. the chase
as mentioned in part 1, men want to feel attractive. yes. ultimately they want to be the object of their woman’s desire. it also shouldn’t be news to us that men are competitive, right? and we know already that they really, really like sex. so naturally they want to know not only that they scored the hottest babe (beauty is in the eye of the beholder) but also that that babe is completely smitten with him as well. win win.
a man friend told another man friend who told me that men are hunters. that for the rest of their lives they are programmed to pursue; to hunt. he also said that for him personally, he has to deliberately choose every day to focus that pursuit on his wife. high five to that guy, right? i could be wrong, but i think this deliberate choosing and focusing can be especially difficult for men not just because of the hunting instinct, but it probably doesn’t help that men are visually err……inspired….? so yeah. i’ve heard too (but am willing to be wrong) that men want what they can’t have. it seems fitting to the whole hunter mentality, right? and for many men as soon as the chase is over and the girl submits and is willing to give her heart to him, the guy realizes he doesn’t really want what he was chasing after all. he just liked the thrill of the pursuit. cool. i’m sure i could get a chorus of “amens” from a bunch of ladies that have experienced this heart ache. i mean…..talk about a game. no, literally……we are game.
now, i don’t exactly know how to navigate between being uncatchable and having a committed relationship once the man does indeed catch his girl and he gets settled or married. then life happens and how on earth is a woman supposed to keep her hunter from pursuing another hotter fox?! i seriously have no effing clue. but i read these tips on the internet, so they must be true.
- access the best aspects of your femininity – men love the sweetness and softness of a woman: lipstick, dresses, high heels, an apron, jewelry, perfume, style
- men are looking for a fun and exciting companion
- the most attractive woman in a room isn’t necessarily the most beautiful, she’s usually the woman who’s having a good time, is naturally relaxed, comfortable and has a good sense of humor
- SMILE – i read this on many, many advice columns for women. men are drawn to a nice smile.
- a woman who can be both strong and/or submissive in appropriate moments
- be a woman who knows how to gently challenge your man (not in public)
- men love women who are full of the unexpected (“good” unexpected of course)
- be a woman of certain mystery and unattainability (keep the hunter on his toes)
so to close this up, i think our role as women is to join in the adventure, play just as crucial a role as men in the journey, but also to be his biggest fan. to learn him. to understand and support and ultimately honor and respect him.
i think we also need to receive our greatest form of confidence and self-assurance from the Lord. is this tough to accept? duh. i don’t know how to do it well, but i think we just have to stay tuned to His heart as much as we can. i see this mystery like one of those invisible marker books (i used to get these on road trips when i was a kid). you know the ones you’d buy at the gas station with the white pen with an orange top? and you’d go through the book scribbling the invisible marker over plain white pages and then a secret message would appear? those books were my favorite. i think this is how the Lord often broadcasts His heart to us in super personal ways. we have to search for it, but when it’s revealed it blows our mind and sticks with us a lot longer than any man’s words.
truth: no man is ever going to consistently supply the words that will quench our heart’s longing for confirmation that we are beautiful and interesting. sure….some men might be brilliant with words and for a moment we’re completely entranced by what a man says about our beauty or character…..but then, when he goes silent or disappears we question any and everything and distrust that he even meant any of it at all. it sucks. and we build mental walls and believe no one will ever come for us or love us as we are. that no one really wants the inconvenience, no one wants to really take care of our heart’s. dial 1-800-Jesus, and ask Him to pour you a drink of that special water from that special well that will never run dry. if i remember correctly, He did offer it to a woman; a woman who seemed to have some trouble with men. you guys remember her? i think only He can quench. not dudes. seek it out. see what happens. i’ll see you there.
i’m gonna throw out there some Hollywood references since i did in the post to men. i have noted that SO many movies have this common theme: bored, depressed, monochromatic man has a happenstance meeting with a confident, colorful, bold, quirky, or odd girl – he falls in love with her and she brightens his life with belief, color and light. scene.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Stranger Than Fiction
this is my “i have no idea what i’m talking about” face. feel free to argue or add to any of my points. i always want to be teachable and would love to know what your thoughts are.