An Open Letter to the Broken-Hearted

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An Open Letter to the Broken-Hearted,
(a.k.a. An Open Letter to Myself),
Good morning, beautiful.  You are awake.  You are alive.  Stretch.  Feel your heart beating.  Feel your lungs fill with air.  Feel your body squeeze it out.  Listen to your bones, your blood, your muscles move.  You are a masterpiece.  There is only one you.  You are the perfect combination of all you have seen and been and gone through.  Wonderfully imperfect.  That reflection in the mirror is lovely, imperfect, wonderful, whole.  Good morning, lovely.
Hey, it’s ok to feel pain.  To feel sad or lonely.  It’s ok to feel joy, too.  You don’t need a smooth, soft, fluffy horizon to be ok.  The juxtaposition of this beautiful life is that it is always an aching, yet adventurous challenge.  Would it be free of pain and difficulty, there would never be need of change or growth.  You…in the mirror…it’s ok.  You’ve got this.  Embrace it.
We can surround ourselves with all the comforts, beauty and safety, in hopes to thwart all pain, suffering and difficulty – but it will never blot it out.  There will always be day/night, warmth/cold, good/bad, sickness/health.  And that’s ok.  It’s good, darling.  And when it hits, ride the wave.  When it knocks on the door; it’s big, grizzly self – steady yourself and say “this is hard and scary, but I will be ok”.
Oh, and when it’s hard, Mother yourself and say “it’s ok”.  When you’re scared, Mother yourself and say “it’s ok”.  When you’re hurting, or sick, or anxious, please Mother yourself with a nurturing compassion and a gentle disposition.  Be kind to yourself, dear.
For you are neither burden nor bad news.  Your feelings have feelings. You are, and always will be beautiful and beloved – no matter what feelings are at play in this season.  No matter what you have done, or what has been done to you.
So it goes that life can be both brilliant and blindingly miserable at the same time.  To polarize and solidify our experiences as good, bad, right, wrong – just causes more pain, strife and struggle.  What did I do to deserve this?  No.  You didn’t do anything, no one did.  People don’t deserve bad or hard things, and neither do we deserve good or pleasurable things by way of our good or bad actions.  It’s not about that.  But when we attempt to see the world with synchronicity and accept and embrace what it is, then it’s easier to see that pain is not punishment; neither is pleasure reward – they just are what they are.  And they happen to everyone all the time.
They happen to everyone all the time.
And someday I hope we can see that actually the hard things, when embraced and accepted for what they are – can become the absolute greatest gifts.
Darling,
You’re not the only one.
You’re not alone.
You’re not crazy, or strange, or lost, or broken.
You’re not a mess.
You’re beautiful; whole as you are right now.
The brave part is choosing to no longer be ashamed.  To no longer feel shame for your being human and having feelings everyone has.  Dear one, it’s ok to be afraid.  Not knowing what to do is also ok.  You don’t need to be ashamed of how you feel.  Sadness and fear don’t make you any less or any more of who you are.  They just are.  Not knowing what’s going to happen is ok.  Questioning what you thought you knew, is actually good.  Most things are rarely what we think they are.  Stay open today.  Stay curious.  Ask questions.  Be teachable.  Ultimate truths and permanence keep tight fists, closed eyes and judgmental hearts.
Recognize today that too much hope and too much fear swallowed in large doses can equally destroy.  We know that fear keeps us from stepping out and being brave and putting out there the real, vulnerable you that you are.  But also, too much hope keeps you only always trying to be better, more, acceptable.  It makes us a slave to the thought that someday I’ll get there, I’ll be more beautiful, stronger, wiser, braver, holier, thinner, healthier, richer, more successful.
When I get ________ I’ll be whole.
When I finally ________ I will be happy.
If I can just _________ then he/she/they will finally love and accept me.
No.  Shhhh.  Rest right now.  Love, embrace and accept who you are today, darling.  And if the “they” in your life don’t, then close a door.
I know it’s hard.  It means silencing a lot of voices that have told you otherwise and you’ve let it settle in; you have believed it all; it has made a home in your heart and how you view yourself.  It’s ok.  Look here, there’s a dry erase board on your heart.  What do you see?  What has been written about you?  What are the things you intrinsically believe about your character; your identity?  How do you believe people see you or feel about you?  Sometimes….I see this:
You are not important.
You are a second thought, to which most people forget about you.
You are not worthy of someone’s time.
You are a mess that people aren’t interested hearing about.
You are too much.
People don’t really care.   
But wait!  What’s this in your hand?  Oh!  It’s the eraser!  These aren’t written in permanent marker…they are just dry erase.  Nothing here is permanent and guess what!?  You can finish the story.  You can decide what is written on your board!  You can decide what to believe about yourself.  This is no one’s responsibility but yours!  OMG!  Who have we given the marker to?  Take it back.  Because you are the author here and you’re allowed to write on your board what is right and true.  Erase the lies.  Change your thinking.
You are incredibly important.
You are not a second thought.
You are absolutely worthy of people’s time.  List their names.
You are not a mess.  People love you and are interested in you.  
List the friends who inquire of your well being daily.
You are only too much to the people who don’t deserve to be close to you.
Close those doors.
People do care, deeply.  Make a list of their names.
Look!  We can change the pattern of belief.  Even if the dry erase board has to be erased daily, YOU always hold the eraser and the markers.  You can always write the truth!
Darling, should you risk it all and show up brave today, may you never resent whether you fall or rise.  For just the act of showing up brave deems you a most courageous creature. The only way we can ever lose is if we don’t step foot into the ring.  Showing up brave does not mean you aren’t afraid, and doesn’t mean you won’t fail.  It means you showed up brave, and you’ve already won – whether you rise or fall.
Maybe you, like I wonder if you might always feel as though you’re in some sort of recovery.  Or if there will be one day when the sac breaks and we feel free of it. When no matter what happens to come our way, we don’t allow our insecurities to shut us down and instead we are able to face it with bravery.  Who knows….but for now let us give our feelings voices and not cages.
Empathy cures shame.
So let us continue to speak openly, in hopes that your heart’s hand, reaches out to someone else’s heart’s hand, simply to say:
You are not alone.
We are not alone.
I see you.
“Me too” is medicine.
It’s ok, even when it’s not ok.
Try and stay in the moment with yourself and your circumstances.  Try not to get sucked up into the fear and anxiety tornado.  Try not to get sedated by numbing it all.  Stay here.  Presence is a present.
All my love to you today, you beautiful, brave soul.  I am proud of you.
Love Always,
Jessie
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